And Then I Met Passion

My passion used to be singing.

October 2012, in my prayer time, God prompted me to step down from the Music Ministry. That was a hard command for me to follow because Music had been a consuming passion all my life. By that time, I had been worship leading for 8 yrs already.

But then God revealed to me how displeased He was with the condition of my heart. I was self-seeking and proud. It was easy to feign worship with good singing and rehearsed gestures. But then if God wasn't satisfied with my singing, what's the point in offering Him something He does not delight in anymore?

For the months that followed, I kept asking God if I could go back to the ministry. God's answer was still a NO. I kept pleading with Him to allow me to sing again but His answer from His Word did not change.

His question surprised me: What if you would have to wait for eternity to lead worship again? Would you still love Me? 

After months of struggling, I finally surrendered to Him and released the thing I love doing the most. God assured me that He would teach me how to worship Him in His own terms, not mine. I could still sing to Him anyway--but in secret, away from people's notice. That was what I did for the following months. I would slip into the Worship Hall during lunch and sing to God in one dark corner. 

Lunchtime worship became so meaningful to me, as it created an intimate and unhindered connection between me and God that I would never ever trade for anything else in the world. I experienced the fullness of God's presence and the real joy of worship.

During this time also, since I wasn't attending band rehearsals anymore, my Saturday sched allowed me to accommodate another Dgroup schedule. I would have missed out being part of their lives if I held on to what I thought I wanted.

I had adjusted well in terms of priorities and time management, and more importantly, God had already become my #1 Passion, not my singing. I was already enjoying my relationship with Him and the new relationships that He entrusted to me.

But God is a Grace-giver. He gradually revealed to me that I could sing again, with His permission. In 2 Chronicles 29:11 – ‘Do not neglect your duties any longer! The Lord has chosen you to stand in His presence, to minister to Him, and to lead the people in worship.’ I never thought I would hear those words again.

These thoughts came racing in my mind: Why now? Has my heart changed? I'm not yet prepared. I haven't learned everything I needed to learn from Him. I'm afraid I may fall into the same sin again. Do I need to fast? Do I need to have a week-long solitude?

God told me to relax, as I only needed to do one thing: ACCEPT GRACE.

It's been over a year since I accepted grace. Something in my heart changed since then. God has accomplished His purpose throughout that period.

I learned that I should hold things lightly and guard my heart ruthlessly from anything or anyone that would compete with God in my heart. Apparently, even ministry could be an idol (especially if it bumps off God from your schedule). The greatest ammunition for front liners (like the Music Ministry) is a personal encounter and walk with God on a daily basis. Singing on stage without seeking God and spending time with Him is like going to war without ammunition. Our public worship should be an extension of private worship.

It is still a mystery to me why God, the Author and Inventor of Music, will give failed human beings the privilege to enjoy it and use it to honor Him. We testify about God in every word that we utter when we sing. We declare who God is and what He has done in our lives. We usher people into the presence of God. Music is a responsibility, a trust.

Have you met with Passion today?