Receiving the Greatest Gift

I grew up insecure, physically and financially. 

I studied in a public school when I was in grade school and became a scholar for the most part of my academic life. I devoted myself to acads as I struggled for significance.

Convinced that I was the one who pushed myself up and that my parents were spared from spending hundreds of thousands for my education, I became proud. I stopped consulting them regarding my plans. I would not ask permission. I was disobedient, impatient, rude, and irritable. I would shout at them whenever they ask questions. 

I was thinking I knew better than them. I would curse them in my mind, make faces, and grumble whenever they reprimand me. I would not invite them to school activities because I was ashamed of them. 

As the eldest and the only girl among four, I manipulated my brothers. I was violent both in speech and in actions. I would curse, insult, and criticize them. I would punch, pinch, scratch, and throw things at them. In fact, they used to call me “bruha”.

I questioned God’s wisdom. I despised how He made me and where He had placed me. I thought it would be better if they weren’t my parents or if I were not born to our family.

In 2005, I was invited to a youth retreat in CCF Marikina. It was where I fully understood what God did to save me. I was a sinner bound for hell and no amount of good works and high grades can compensate for the penalty of my sins. 

God, in His love for us, gave His only Son, Jesus Christ, the only person qualified to take our place. He died for our sins in order that He may bring us to God. To accept or reject what He freely gave is our choice.

I accepted His free gift of life and for the first time, I experienced love in its perfection—one that is never earned by performance. Since then, the cross has gradually transformed my life in ways unimaginable.

A new life with God put to death my old self. He showed me what I’m worth--significant enough to cost Him the life of His Son. He started transforming me into the likeness of Christ. He started His work in the most challenging place: at home.

God changed my attitude toward my parents. I became expressive and affectionate in words and in actions. I learned to say thank you, I love you, and sorry. I submitted to their authority. I would choose not to talk back or to grumble. I learned to honor them by asking permission and by respecting their decisions.

God taught me how to be patient, especially with my brothers. They hurt me when they disobey or disrespect me but God would readily remind me not to respond negatively. I learned to weigh down my words before speaking. I started to invest in my relationship with them in terms of time, effort and money.

From L-R: Aedri, Mariz, Ronnie, Oliver, Carlo, Joan

I gained the trust and favor of my parents. They also became expressive in their affection. My brothers also started responding to me in love. We stopped fighting over menial things. They started to obey and respect me out of love, not out of fear. They would spend time with me talking about their smallest concerns. I became deeply involved in my family’s life.

When God called me to work fulltime in CCF, I was plagued with insecurities over my job and my family’s finances. But He addressed these insecurities with promises that I can hold on to from His word. 

God told me He doesn’t deserve leftovers. He requires excellence. If I’m able to do it, why not do it for Him in CCF? He invited me to give not out of surplus but out of poverty—to put in all I owned and all I have to live on. By this time, I knew that I would be missing out on God's best if I refuse to obey Him.

CCF Staff Retreat 2012 in Tagaytay

It has been 4 years and I can confidently say that I never lacked any good thing throughout my stay in CCF. I am able to help finance the education of my brothers, help out in household expenses, and even support campus missionaries. 

My work now is something I sincerely enjoy doing as it is consistent with how He shaped me.

God says in Isaiah 48:17, “I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is BEST for you, who directs you in the way you should go.” As a Father, He will only prepare the best for His child. As His child, I am convinced that He carefully crafted every detail of my life and I am sure that my future is secure in His hands.