Always Worth the Wait

We shared the same circle of friends and we both served in the youth ministry, but we didn't like each other. Our days would end with one or the other asking for forgiveness for stepping on each other's toes. So I was surprised that of all people, God would ask me to open my heart for Mikey.

The year started with God giving me this desire to get to know Him more and to seek intimacy with Him. As I got to enjoy and know more of God that year, I also heard Him clearly about His will for my life. He started to work in my heart by correcting my definition of the word 'accomplished'. The real accomplished people in God’s kingdom are those who are totally dependent on Him, allowing God to use their weaknesses to show God’s strength. God reminded me of Mikey, but at that time, I resisted it in my heart.

By September 2013, God started to clarify His will for my life. I was studying the life of Joseph and Mary, and I started to wonder why God would choose Joseph to be the father of Jesus. There was nothing grand about Joseph. He was just a carpenter. One thing stood out for me though: he had a very high regard for God’s word and acted out of obedience no matter the cost. Again, God reminded me of Mikey. By this time, I was already afraid of what God would say next because I could already discern where this was going. In Filipino jargon, nirereto. Everyday I would anticipate that God would correct my understanding of His word. Instead of correcting me, He showed me through His word that He reveals His plans to those whose hearts are ready. Surprisingly, there was an inexpressible peace in my heart.

The only complication was I liked someone else. God was quick to clarify that His will is different from what I want at the moment. He asked me to surrender my preference to Him and allow Him to choose for me and to trust that His choice is the best for me. With much struggle, I surrendered my will to God’s will and trusted Him to work things out. I prayed for God to change my heart towards Mikey and to let me see him the way God sees him—not who he is now but who he can become in the future.

However, I still couldn’t comprehend why God would tell me these things beforehand. Everyday I would ask Him if I understood Him right. And every single day, for that whole month, He would patiently assure me through His word that I heard Him right and He would not change His mind. One night as I was on my way home, I asked Him in my heart, “God, is this even possible?” When I had my devotion that night, my verse was, “With God, nothing is impossible.” By this time, I committed to God that I would choose to do His will, reserve myself for Mikey, and wait for him to act.

Mikey and I were slowly becoming good friends but he wasn't dropping hints of pursuing me. It took two more years of waiting and trusting God. These have been the most productive years of my life. I was able to spend time with my family and serve God with undivided devotion, time, and energy in my work and in the youth ministry. Looking back, God used these years of waiting to change my heart and to prepare me, in skills and in character. He also used it to build my friendship with Mikey and learn how to treat him with kindness and respect. He used it to mature both of us and to make us ready for His will.

Mikey had his own journey with God. Hearing it for the first time last December 2015 was really a blessing. It amazes me that God could talk to two people who weren’t even talking to each other! Everything God taught me was connected and consistent with what He was telling Mikey. It was also a blessing that we were able to involve our parents and authorities in the process and share the joy of our journey with them.

God-willing, Mikey and I will get married by December this year. Please pray for us as we embark on a new journey of waiting and trusting. Now we are a team as we walk on water with Jesus!

No Fear of a Flabby Future

The doctor's unsolicited comment troubled me.

Six years of security down the drain. The truth is, I still am comfortable with and I still love the body I am in...today. But probably not when I get married and have children. Unlike others who are naturally skinny, the doctor noted that I have a large frame (i.e. bones) in a little body. He told me in front of some others that I might 'blow up' when I get pregnant, especially when I reach my 30s. Because of my frame. Because of genetics.

My, how can you fight genetics? I bet my love for running and my no-rice-diet would not be able to cancel the definiteness of genetics.

That unplanned conversation stirred up so many fears in me. Unlike my friend, whom according to the same doctor, would remain skinny whatever she does, his verdict to me was like a curse to my ear. In front of my boss, I blurted out things like, "Oh, so I don't want to get married or have children anymore." The selfish me resurfacing in an unguarded moment. I've not felt insecure in a long time. I was afraid of the future.

It had been a rough and bumpy road toward fully embracing my identity and beauty in Jesus. Even years after entering into a relationship with Him, I would still have frequent bouts of insecurity. I remember during college, in my quest to define my own identity, I would experiment every year over my 'look'. For example, during my third year, I got so obsessed with the goth/emo look. So I cut my bangs, got rid of my bright-colored shirts and replaced them with dark-colored ones, painted my eyes with dark liners, and mastered the blank expression as my default face. I wouldn't smile no matter what.

I was hiding all my insecurities behind my dark liners. I knew back then that it would be futile to try to be beautiful following the world's accepted standards, so I decided to build my own standards. I thought I was doing myself a favor, but it was a lifeless and joyless pursuit. I eventually got convicted that I wasn't reflecting the joy of Jesus in the way I conducted myself. I was a miserable daughter of the King. I was missing out on the joy and glory that were made available for me all along.

God was very patient in establishing my real identity in Jesus. As I walked with Him, I took comfort in God's word and made the decision that His word would be my truth. I would believe whatever He says about me even if people or circumstances would tell me otherwise.

These verses changed my perspective on beauty forever:

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:13-14

Nothing in me was an accident--not the texture of my hair or my heavy hips or my nose or my complexion. Every detail was well thought of, delicately crafted, and intricately put together so that God could come up with someone like me. I was what God wanted. It took me a while to absorb that. God wanted someone to look exactly like me. Therefore, being the best version of myself and blooming in what He designed me to be would definitely give Him pleasure.

This brought me freedom. No longer do I need to hide behind dark liners.
Slowly but surely, I learned to love how God made me and be comfortable and content with how I look.

But then, back to the present. The doctor's comment drained all those learnings. For the next two days, especially when I was idle, I would entertain questions in my mind like, "So God, why did you make me this way? Why do I have to work so hard disciplining myself while others can relax? Isn't that unfair?"

It took a message in Elevate on true identity to address this and remind me of who I am in God's eyes. I was arrested once more by Psalm 139. I am valuable and greatly loved by God. Nothing in me was made randomly or arbitrarily. Every single detail was in place for a reason, including my frame.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Psalm 139:15

Not just that. He created me in such a way that only Him can fully satisfy me. What genius is that! I felt loved more than ever. I wanted to know more and experience more of this love, so that I wouldn't be needy or dependent on anybody else's imperfect love, because my heart can only be completely satisfied in God's perfect love.

For He has satisfied the thirsty soul, and the hungry soul He has filled with what is good. Psalm 107:9

God also impressed in my heart that life isn't about me. I remember, I just wanted a maximum of 2 kids in the future because I was afraid to grow fat or look losyang. But God said if that were my motive, that's very selfish. He designed the family primarily to pass on a godly legacy.

Then I stumbled upon the Proverbs 31 woman again in my quiet time the following day. And this verse just leaped out of the Bible.

What would make a woman unafraid of the future? Not just unafraid, but able to laugh! Just like any other woman, P31W might not have been exempted from flabby arms and thighs. But what was it that made her face the future without fear and even enabled her to laugh? I was curious to death.

Upon reading the whole chapter, I noticed that Proverbs 31 described a life of godly character and service.

Her life wasn't about her.

She lived for what was most important. She lived by loving. She loved by giving. She understood what it meant to work hard and to serve God and her family with her whole heart. She understood that everything she does for God has eternal consequences. And this made serving others come naturally for her.

I must admit, serving [or giving] is very unnatural for me. I usually fail in this area. I always miss opportunities to serve because I have a faulty need-radar and I just don't live my life with a service mindset. I just look out after myself. This is one area that needs intentional training and discipline. But even if I try so hard, I would still end up disappointed over myself. Most of the time, I would cry out to the Lord in frustration for being unable to love and to serve. In one of my prayer times, this was what God impressed in my heart.

You're trying to do things on your own. Just let yourself be filled with my love. Out of that overflow, you'd be able to love and serve others naturally. You don't stop when you fail at loving people. You stand up and try again. You learn loving by practicing.

A life lived out for what's most important and eternal. A heart of selfless service transformed by Jesus. I guess this is what gives the ability to laugh at the future...even if it involves flabby arms and thighs.

Falling Leaves and Love Notes from Heaven

Every woman has an innate desire to be treated in a special way. Even women who appear strong and independent are no exception to this. Women were designed to want to be pursued. Sad to say, most of the time, we seek to fill this desire by many second rate substitutes.

By God's grace, I met the True Lover of my soul 10 years ago. He literally pursued me unto death so that I may have life in Him. He never stopped pursuing me even after entering into a love relationship with Him. In this relationship, I discovered and experienced how satisfying a life with Him could be.

I learned to see God's pursuit of me in everything.

Sometimes, it comes in the form of birds singing early in the morning, clouds covering me from the blazing sun, trees bending creatively along a busy road, the moon and the stars elegantly sketched in the night sky, or a white pelican-looking bird seemingly out of place in the Pasig River. Love notes from heaven, as I call them. This has happened countless times and in many different forms over the years.

God knows how to catch my attention and how to strike a love chord in my heart. This is why I love walking slowly--so I can notice the hand of God in everything and breathe them all in.

My favorite love note from God is that of falling leaves.

There was a time when I was in college, I was so heartbroken that I needed to retreat in a garden in my university. I sat down quietly, read my Bible...and got frustrated because even God's word didn't seem to make sense. 

As I sat still, a sudden gust of wind sent the leaves spiralling down in front of me. The sight of falling leaves reminded me that God sees me. In my heart that afternoon, I knew God was saying, "I know you'd be here so I prepared this for you." The Master Artist crafted that masterpiece for me. I might have blushed for the grandiosity of it for I wasn't used to that kind of treatment. I was heartbroken no more.

One busy morning, before going to the office, I prayed, "Surprise me, Lord. Konting kilig lang today please." Much to my dismay, I was stuck in terrible traffic, in a very hot morning. Plus, the shuttle driver dropped me off to Mega B, instead of Mega A. To top it all off, I forgot my umbrella. I was very irritated at the driver that I slammed the door. As I started walking, I noticed that the side walk was carpeted with yellow flowers from the trees along Mega B. God arranged every detail of that morning for me to see that display of affection. I was too embarrassed for my attitude, especially when the wind caused the flowers to rain down on me. Totally undeserved.

But then there will be times when your heart will run after other things, hoping to be filled with things that do not really satisfy.

Early this year, I felt frustrated and discontented. I've never felt so embittered in my whole life as I think of how it must have delighted God to answer my prayer to allow only one man to pursue me. God challenged me to pray this prayer many years ago. I was apprehensive about it because I was sure it would mean I had to fight my own feelings of insecurity. The world's standards lead us to believe that the number of men pursuing a woman is determinant of her beauty. But not so in God's economy. God was actually inviting me to allow Him to protect me from second best.

However, waiting took its toll on me. My heart was gloomy--as if there was a dark cloud looming over me. For days I asked myself what it was that I really wanted but could not get. When I think about it, a relationship would not satisfy me at the least. If there's something that I really value in being single, it is my independence. The inconvenience of changes and adjustments in entering into a relationship does not attract me even :P I was so confused as I tried to figure out what was wrong.

God patiently walked me through it. He sure knows the hidden curves and edges of my heart.
He showed me that somewhere along the way, I stopped looking to Him for joy and satisfaction. I stopped looking to Him for being pursued and being treated special. I shut off my God-kilig radar. I stopped taking note of how God had been relentlessly pursuing me. I stopped looking to Him as my Lover.

How I missed out on life because the eyes of my heart were shut as He dons my day with expressions of love. I missed out on so much by focusing on what I do not have and what I do not yet have.

By God's grace, I took a U-turn and started walking slowly with Him again, allowing Him to pursue me and sweep me off my feet with His love notes as I used to do. Sometimes the love notes come in the form of peace in the midst of a confusing circumstance, joy in the midst of pain, comfort in a crying spree, strength when I am weak, power when I am afraid. He never runs out of creative ways to keep me in awe of His love.

It's a great blessing to have a God who wants to satisfy us with His love.

The LORD will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Isaiah 58:11

Celebrate life with God. Take time to intentionally look for His love notes for you and come to Him with a grateful heart, for each one of them is an act of grace.

Be satisfied in Him; for only He can satisfy your deepest desires.

People are searching. Yet the more they try to get, the more they realize how little they really have. No pleasure or happiness is possible without God. Without him, satisfaction is a lost search. Above everything we should strive to know and love God. He gives wisdom, knowledge, and joy. Life apart from God is empty, hollow, and meaningless. - LifeApp

May you be romanced by the King, all the days of your life :)

Whom have I in heaven but You? There is nothing on earth I desire besides You. Psalm 73:26 

You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing. Psalm 16:2 

You make known to me the path of life; You fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand. Psalm 16:11  

Take delight in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

And Then I Met Passion

My passion used to be singing.

October 2012, in my prayer time, God prompted me to step down from the Music Ministry. That was a hard command for me to follow because Music had been a consuming passion all my life. By that time, I had been worship leading for 8 yrs already.

But then God revealed to me how displeased He was with the condition of my heart. I was self-seeking and proud. It was easy to feign worship with good singing and rehearsed gestures. But then if God wasn't satisfied with my singing, what's the point in offering Him something He does not delight in anymore?

For the months that followed, I kept asking God if I could go back to the ministry. God's answer was still a NO. I kept pleading with Him to allow me to sing again but His answer from His Word did not change.

His question surprised me: What if you would have to wait for eternity to lead worship again? Would you still love Me? 

After months of struggling, I finally surrendered to Him and released the thing I love doing the most. God assured me that He would teach me how to worship Him in His own terms, not mine. I could still sing to Him anyway--but in secret, away from people's notice. That was what I did for the following months. I would slip into the Worship Hall during lunch and sing to God in one dark corner. 

Lunchtime worship became so meaningful to me, as it created an intimate and unhindered connection between me and God that I would never ever trade for anything else in the world. I experienced the fullness of God's presence and the real joy of worship.

During this time also, since I wasn't attending band rehearsals anymore, my Saturday sched allowed me to accommodate another Dgroup schedule. I would have missed out being part of their lives if I held on to what I thought I wanted.

I had adjusted well in terms of priorities and time management, and more importantly, God had already become my #1 Passion, not my singing. I was already enjoying my relationship with Him and the new relationships that He entrusted to me.

But God is a Grace-giver. He gradually revealed to me that I could sing again, with His permission. In 2 Chronicles 29:11 – ‘Do not neglect your duties any longer! The Lord has chosen you to stand in His presence, to minister to Him, and to lead the people in worship.’ I never thought I would hear those words again.

These thoughts came racing in my mind: Why now? Has my heart changed? I'm not yet prepared. I haven't learned everything I needed to learn from Him. I'm afraid I may fall into the same sin again. Do I need to fast? Do I need to have a week-long solitude?

God told me to relax, as I only needed to do one thing: ACCEPT GRACE.

It's been over a year since I accepted grace. Something in my heart changed since then. God has accomplished His purpose throughout that period.

I learned that I should hold things lightly and guard my heart ruthlessly from anything or anyone that would compete with God in my heart. Apparently, even ministry could be an idol (especially if it bumps off God from your schedule). The greatest ammunition for front liners (like the Music Ministry) is a personal encounter and walk with God on a daily basis. Singing on stage without seeking God and spending time with Him is like going to war without ammunition. Our public worship should be an extension of private worship.

It is still a mystery to me why God, the Author and Inventor of Music, will give failed human beings the privilege to enjoy it and use it to honor Him. We testify about God in every word that we utter when we sing. We declare who God is and what He has done in our lives. We usher people into the presence of God. Music is a responsibility, a trust.

Have you met with Passion today?

Ako, Siya, Kami

I didn't know I still have this video on file. Super hilarious!
History Project, hahaha. Identity crisis.

The Rahab in Me

It is in the most unworthy of sinners that the grace of God is displayed more brilliantly. - Becoming Beautiful for God

Valentines Day, 2013. I was reading Joshua 5-8 when the story of Rahab struck a chord that had been kept secret in my heart.

Rahab was a recipient of God's grace. She was an innkeeper (and also a prostitute). She lived at the city wall of Jericho. She took the risk of keeping the Israelite spies inside her house, though it would cost her life, because she sensed that the Israelites relied on a God worth trusting.

She turned to God for her salvation, became the wife of Salmon, the mother of Boaz, and an ancestor of King David and Jesus. She was one of the four women listed in the genealogy of Jesus (Matthew 1:5) and one of the two mentioned in the Faith Hall of Fame (Hebrews 11:31).

When the grace of God finds you, it will transform you. 
My God found me. Like Rahab, I am a recipient of God's grace, too.

The things I will share with you are unknown to many. And I never thought God would ask me to bring them into light one day.

At the age of 2 or 3, my eyes were opened to things I didn’t understand then. I was exposed to movies and TV shows that were sexually suggestive. Add up to this my early discovery of what stimulates women.

Deep into pornography I fell as I discovered magazines and CDs in highschool. I thought this sin was harmless. But in reality, sin always affects the people around us. It was at this time that I grew aloof from men and attracted to women.

In college, I came to know Jesus. I accepted him in my life as my Savior and Lord. That started an exciting and intimate love relationship with him. 

I learned that if you love someone, you would naturally do what pleases him/her. 
By reading God’s word, I discovered that purity is very important to God. 

But even in this newfound relationship, the struggle for physical purity did not stop. It actually became increasingly harder in the advent of the Internet coz more and more compromising materials were just one click away. Lustful thoughts would still plague me when awake or in my dreams. Twenty plus years later, the images were still as vivid as when I first saw them.

Since my struggle wasn’t a popular issue among women, I thought that my situation was unique. I was afraid to ask for help because of the reputation that I was protecting. Thus, I fell countless times in a cycle of defeat-repent-defeat. 

I realized that this battle couldn’t be fought alone. I needed God’s power to overcome it and I needed to be accountable to at least one trusted person. 

When I finally stepped out into light, I found out that I wasn’t alone in this. So many women were suffering from the same assault from the enemy.

Physical purity wasn’t my only struggle. The subtler but equally dangerous one has to do with my emotions. I am 24 now and I have never been into a relationship. But there were compromises somewhere here.

I had a friend back in college. From the very beginning, it was clear to both of us that we were just friends. So comfortable we were with each other that I would compete with him, hurt him, and criticize him on his face. And I knew he wouldn’t mind. So comfortable we were that I would let him hold my hands or hug me occasionally. I would even stay and sleep in his dorm in between classes.

People around us naturally teased us because of the way we behave. We didn’t mind discussing these things. We were secure in our friendship, right? 

But then, things changed on my end. I noticed how deep my emotional attachment to him had been. I couldn’t stand not being with him. I couldn’t build close friendships with others. 

I invested my emotions needlessly on someone who wasn't really pursuing me. And it took me 3 years to fully recover from this emotional attachment.

Everyday is a battle for purity. I still fail at times, but by God’s grace, he won’t let me stay where I have fallen. He makes me stand up and engage in battle for purity again. My part is to make a deliberate choice moment by moment, not to look, think, or do things that will compromise my purity.

If your purity had been stained in the past, know that it's okay to seek help and that there is hope. Invite Jesus, the True Lover of your soul, into your life. Find satisfaction in him and do everything to guard your relationship with him because it’s the most important relationship that you will ever have. 

Be careful with your heart. Wait on God's perfect timing.
Choose someone whose first love is God and whose passion is obedience to his word.

I am one whose purity was assaulted by the enemy but was redeemed by Jesus, who is not just my Savior, but Lord over my mind, my heart, my body, and my emotions. 

May my Rahab story give him the glory that is due him, just as he promised,

The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me. Psalm 138:8

One Step Forward

For one month, I was quarantined for chickenpox. 

While my friends were already applying and getting hired, I was forced to rest in isolation after grad. During this waiting period, God assured me that He was already going before me and preparing the way for me.

Do not be terrified...the LORD your God is going before you. Deuteronomy 1:30
The LORD your God, who went ahead of you on your journey...to show you the way you should go. Deuteronomy 1:32

I felt excited about that promise.

Even before my scars healed completely, I already jumped in to the hiring wagon. 
There I realized that getting a good job wasn't that easy. School glamour could not be an asset for long. For another month, no replies, no phone calls. Closed doors, but still, God said, wait on Him (Isaiah 40:31).

I had a friend who was an HR assistant in CCF back in 2009. She urged me to apply as an admin assistant. Out of courtesy, I said I would try (without meaning it, hehe). I had no plans of working in a church even if I was a certified CCF baby!

Edna told me that there's an opening in CCF Main. Admin Assistant for the Office of the Senior Pastor. I don't want that. I don't think it is commensurate to my education. (July 1, 2009)

My journey started from this [unpublished] journal entry 4 years ago.

In one of my prayer times, an impression frequented my heart. Lose yourself in God's will. Die to yourself as you follow Jesus. 

Excuse me? I wanted to go corpo. I wanted to achieve and acquire. 
Thus, CCF was never an option. 

But then God was telling me that if I keep my eyes shut to [his] possibilities, I might be missing out on God's best. 

 

What if full-time ministry is what God calls me to do? Am I willing to surrender my ambitions to give way to God's will?

Self-denial has to do primarily with my will. It is a willingness to say 'yes' to the Lordship of Jesus in my life, to do what he asks of me to the best of my ability even if I have made other plans.

"Follow me." This involves keeping my eyes on him, walking where he leads, and obeying him moment by moment. I have no idea where he will lead me. Yet it isn't as important for me to know the path or even the destination as to know WHO I am following. He whom I follow knows the way. My responsibility is simply to follow. (July 8, 2009)

With an unclear vision of what lies ahead, I took step one. I submitted my application form to CCF's HR Dept. Whether or not I'd be hired and whether or not I'd stay here for good were still way beyond that single step.

I got hired as a contractual worker for 6 months.

Fast forward to January 2010. My contract was expiring and I had to decide whether or not I wanted to be processed for regularization. I was torn between two options.

On one hand, I wanted to explore things outside CCF. My parents wanted the same for me.

I wanted a job that everyone would look up to. For 6 months, I did my best to avoid my college/high school friends for fear that they would discover my job and how much money I was making. And then a major plus sign here: my brothers needed financial support for college.

On the other hand, I loved my job. It was a fulfilling mixture of everything I was passionate about. I got to explore writing, editing, arts, and research. It was a very comfortable place to work in and my superiors were closely monitoring and mentoring me.

If not for pride, I would never leave this job. Even if I don't get paid, I would still do this.

Here, Passion finally met me.

So I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work, because that is his lot. Ecclesiastes 3:22

I was set to do his will. As a general rule, if it was really God's will, his still small voice, the peace in my heart, my authorities, and my circumstances should all be aligned.

But my ultimate authority is his word. For the record, God always answered me whenever I ask for clarity. He never left me confused when I wait on him.

One time, while seated in front of the fx, I started talking to God in my heart.

If I stay in CCF, sayang naman pinag-aralan ko. Sayang naman scholarship ko. Para san pa ang pagiging Atenista ko?

Shameless, I know. But I got the shock of my life when he did answer me.

I was the one who gave you those gifts. They were undeserved but I chose to give them to you anyway. Don't you think all these things had been prepared for you so you'd be effective in what I called you to do?
But God, this kind of job...anybody can do it.
Don't you think I deserve excellence?
Syempre naman.
Do you think you can give what I deserve?
I guess so. I want to.
Then, why not in CCF?

Conversation-ender. Why not in CCF? That question lingered for two more weeks. I tried to assess why I hesitated in the first place. One word: insecurity. I was insecure because of my job description and payslip.

Funny how God answered all my concerns.

I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you... Isaiah 46:4
I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. Isaiah 48:17
He said to me, "You are my servant, in whom I will display my splendor." But I said, "I have labored to no purpose; I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing. Yet what is due me is in the LORD's hand, and my reward is with my God." Isaiah 49:3-4
They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything--all she had to live on." Mark 12:44

A woman who is secure in her identity has this same true freedom to serve others in love. She can perform any task, no matter how humble, and still maintain self-confidence, because her self-esteem is not dependent on her rank and position.

Hehe, I couldn't believe I even prayed this:

God, I don't want to be an executive assistant in the future. Please, please, lead me to the right place and right position. (Feb 26, 2010)

To which his answer was:

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

In other words, he was telling me he knew better. My wisdom is no match to his.

At the end of two weeks, it became clear. During this process, my parents were also praying for God's will. I was surprised to discover that God was teaching them the same thing: He knows what is best for me and when he asks us to do something, he will provide for us. That Saturday morning, my parents prayed for and gave me their blessing to continue working in CCF.

My circumstances sealed what has already been made known to me. I passed my panel interviews and psych test, got past my proby period, and got regularized. And wonder of all wonders, after 1 year, I became an executive assistant--what I prayed not to be.

Executive Assistant, Office of the Senior Pastor

But then, I learned to love my job. I would not trade it for anything.

God, as my Great Shepherd, knows what I need. He takes care of my brothers' college expenses by providing a sponsor who is willing to let them study wherever they wanted.

He takes care of my daily needs. I am well-fed, well-paid, and well-affirmed.

When I feel discouraged, God provides encouragement.

I have a boss who always tells me how much he appreciates me and reminds me that even if I work behind the scenes, my job impacts thousands, even hundreds of thousands for Jesus. I have teammates who are also my personal cheering squad, hehe.

It is still a mystery to me how God can use failed human beings such as us, in all our weaknesses and limitations, for his plans and purposes. But if he can use me where I am, he can use you, too.

Take heart! Be faithful to what God has entrusted to you because only you can do that for him. No other person can fill that place which God chiseled out especially for you.

Enjoy where the Master has stationed you in life. And bloom where you are planted :)

Collecting Family Memories

Who you are at home is who you really are.

The home is where, when all your masks are down, your true colors show. So if you are very gentle, kind, and thoughtful to your friends, but rough, rude, and inconsiderate to your parents and sibs, alam na. You are who you are to them.

I think it was my boss who said this: "When you go home, remind yourself that you are meeting the most important people in your life." In other words, we've got to save our best attitude for our family members.

Next to God, they are my priority. Since I really did not have a deep relationship with them to start with, I'm down to step one. Build relationship.

Building relationship with our family requires investment in time, energy, emotions, and money.
For me, this meant: revamping my schedule, choosing family time above everything else, cutting down on activities so I can be available and able when they need me, giving gifts, treating them special, watching my words and actions, expressing how much I love them, asking for forgiveness when I cause them pain, spending time individually, and praying for them.

Just recently, God impressed in my heart to take my whole family out to celebrate and share my joy over my pf bonus and raise. While praying for the meal, God said to me in His still, small voice: "You sure enjoy this, huh? Why not do it every Sunday? Ikaw taya."

Ako taya! If you just know how mindful I am with the use of my money, hahaha. I am one who keeps receipts and takes note of every expense.

Let's do the Math, Lord. We're six in the family and I have three barako brothers...

I stopped there. God reminded me that I can never out-give Him.
And since this investment is an eternal one, it will have a lasting impact.

Our very first, at Greenwich

Chowking, my attempt to cut down the cost, hehe

Hainanese Delights, unli-rice!!

Tapsi ni Vivian during Fathers' Day

Karate Kid, unli-rice!!

Shakey's, find the hidden Mickey :)

The Bacolod Chicken Band

Bacolod Chicken, unli-rice, wala silang choice!

It's been three months since we first did this.
God is faithful and generous. When He tells me to do something, He surely provides for it!

Our Sunday Night Out (SNO) is something my family and I look forward to every weekend. 

No agenda. Just eat and talk and laugh. The sky is the limit. 

And they all know the rule: we go where the unli-rice is.

2012 Holy Land Bible Study Tour

Early this year, God invited me to ask for what I sincerely wanted but was ashamed to ask for. 

"I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." John 16:23-24 (Also in John 14:13-14; 15:7; 15:16)

I had been too embarrassed to ask God for things—extravagant or insignificant, having lived my life in the simplest way possible. Soon I discovered the beautiful things God has carefully and lovingly prepared for me. He enjoys lavishing me with things I never deserved. Hay, grace.

One week before the tour, I contracted dengue. My doctor said I can only be discharged if my platelet count would shoot up three consecutive times. I thought that should be easy. After drinking a hundred gallons of water and papaya leaves tea (which my boss sent me), the count still dropped to 70 by Wednesday, five days before the trip. By Thursday, it went up a bit and then dropped again. Someone was plainly keeping me by the thread so I would learn dependence!

Apparently, God wanted me to pull up a quiet confidence in His character and promises. After all, He was the One who provided for and enlisted me in the tour.

"So keep up your courage...for I have faith in God that it will happen just as He told me." Acts 27:25
"Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised." Romans 4:20-21

God did just as He told me. 

It must have delighted Him to send me to the Promised Land that I got discharged Friday afternoon. In a haze, I packed my things up the next day and flew the following Sunday night! Not a second late! Plus, the adrenaline rush lasted for two weeks in what was supposed to be a recovery period for someone who just had dengue. 

With Angel at Mt. Carmel, Israel 

Ancient portable toilet hehe

At the Coliseum, Israel

Garden Tomb, Israel

At the Sea of Galilee, Israel

Petra, Jordan (where I got my allergies hehe)

Red Sea sunset @ Movenpick, Jordan

Praise God for underserved gifts! Life-changing indeed :)

After the tour, I got confined again for one week due to urticaria. Nobody knows what triggered it. I had no food allergies in the past. Although...I might have gone overboard in the buffets. Parang bibitayin ang peg.

It could be the change in weather, too. But oh well, forced rest days in the hospital were with free food and lodging hehe!

Here's the complete Holy Land Album

More Than I Expected

Surprises make life more exciting and answered prayers remind us that there is a God who is in full control.

I remember crying so hard yesterday morning that my eyes wanted to resign already. I only have 15 bucks in my wallet, 3 days before the next pay day. (Here's the whole story)

This morning, God assured me that He will be true to His promises. But I had no idea what He planned to do.

Not one of all the LORD's good promises [to the house of Israel] failed; every one was fulfilled. Joshua 21:45

My boss called me into his office and handed me a piece of paper that looked familiar.
It was a payslip, of all things! What melted my heart was what my boss told me: "You'll be blessed more than you expected."

My, I hear God in that statement.

He went on to explain what it was. It was a performance bonus!
My first bonus ever! Talk about answered prayer and surprises! This is WAY beyond me!

My God, I don't deserve this. I initially doubted You. But You've proven Yourself faithful and able to provide for me. You surely know better than I!